Stock QSO

[K2PG]

Tuning across our bands in recent years, I have come up with the stock non-AM QSO in today's world of dumbed-down, appliance-operating amateur radio:

SSB or CW: " Thanks for the call, OM. Your signal is <insert report here> and my kew-tee-aitch / 20 is <insert your location here>. My handle is <insert your name here>. I am <your age> years old and have been a ham (for a newbie, "I have been into ham") since <year you were first licensed>. I am using a <Yaesu, Kenwood, ICOM> <FT-, TS-, or 7xx> running 100 watts into a <insert name of commercially manufactured dipole or G5RV antenna here>. My cat just knocked over my coffee, HI. <On VHF, be sure to give your grid square or the QSO won't be any good!> Well, the ex-why-ell's calling me for dinner. 73"

FM: "My handle is <insert your name here> and my home 20 is <your town>." <PSHHHT!> "KC2XXX from KB3YYY--My home 20 is <town> and my handle is <name>." <PSHHHT!> "KC2XXX for ID. It's gonna rain...my arthuridis hurts like hell. Got back from the doctor. My cholesterol is 215 and my triglycerides are a bit high. But I haven't had a bowel movement in three days...guess I have to get the ex-why-ell to pick me up some Metamucil at the drug store." <PSHHHT!> "KB3YYY---I've had the runs for the past day or so...gotta get some Kaopectate. My athlete's foot itches something awful, but I'm OK." <PSHHHT!> "Well, I'm destinated here. Seven-threes. KC2XXX clear." <PSHHHT!>

Contrast this to what we have on AM, where you can still hear intelligent conversations about everything from restoration of classic cars (WD8BIL?) to restoration of various transmitters (K2DK, WA3VJB, etc.), to homebrewing (KB3AHE), engines (ditto), hunting and fishing (various), Class E and solid state (WA1QIX), and a guy who's to the conversational part of amateur radio what Frank Zappa is to music...TimTron (WA1HLR). Whatever I hear on 1885, 3885, and 7290 certainly isn't boring. I can't say the same for other modes, although I sometimes find an interesting QSO on CW.

[WA3VJB]

Funny thing, Phil, your subject line of "Stock QSO," I thought you wanted to initiate a conversation about investments, and I was going to point you toward Tom JJ.

On the other hand, yes, the storytelling nature of AM is what makes conversation so satisfying in our part of the hobby.

There was a version of what we have when 2M FM simplex was more popular, at least in my area in the early 1980s.  We'd get on there and hold court all night, same wide range of subject matter, same old buzzard transmissions (since no repeater to time out) and the same sense of having had a nice evening on the radio when it was time to flip the switch for the night.

[W9GT]

Contrast this to what we have on AM, where you can still hear intelligent conversations about everything from restoration of classic cars (WD8BIL?) to restoration of various transmitters (K2DK, WA3VJB, etc.), to homebrewing (KB3AHE), engines (ditto), hunting and fishing (various), Class E and solid state (WA1QIX), and a guy who's to the conversational part of amateur radio what Frank Zappa is to music...TimTron (WA1HLR). Whatever I hear on 1885, 3885, and 7290 certainly isn't boring. I can't say the same for other modes, although I sometimes find an interesting QSO on CW.

Well said!  I couldn't agree more Phil.  This might be an additional factor that is causing our ranks to grow......even though we might be considered as eccentric by "main stream ham radio".

One of the things that I hear over and over from guys just getting (back) on AM is how enjoyable the QSOs seem to be and how the participants seem to really enjoy the technical aspects of building and operating their stations.  Quite a contrast to the plethora of appliance operating "pretend" radio amateurs that hang out on scientific set-back (SSB) mode.  

73,  Jack, W9GT

[Herb K2VH]

Phil (K2PG) quoted the SSBers as saying: "My handle is <insert your name here>."

The one I like even better, Phil, and I have heard it a number of times, is:

My personal is <insert your name here>.  That makes me really want to gag!

vH

[Steve - WB3HUZ]

And another one is

"The working conditions here are <insert radio model> and <insert antenna>."

Woriking conditions? I thought is was the station, or equipment or set up or JS arrangement. Working conditions? QTF??

[c. mac neill w8znx]

oh bull

ever hear Qzona Bob tell how to fix
the back lash on a AR 88 for the 5th time
took 20 min to say
what anybody else could say in 20 sec

there is lots of good conversation to be found on ssb
just as there is more than one am op
that can put you to sleep
by gas baging for 10 min straight

ssb ops are not all appliance ops
that have a IQ of 89

not all am ops can fix their radio
or carry on a inteligent conversation

Mac

[K1JJ]

"The working conditions here are <insert radio model> and <insert antenna>."

"And for you, my friend.....ahhhhhhh  ahhhhh Steve, Steve, my friend.... five nine.  The handle here my friend is Fabio. I spell for you my friend...France America Bulgaria Italia Oregano. Faaabio, my friend Steve.  We are in Roma, Roma Italia, my friend, my good friend, Steve.

So back to you and please tell me working conditions, my friend Steve. You are unbelievable signal tonight, my very best friend Steve"

[K1JJ]

Steve/HUZ responds:

"Thanks for the nice report Fabio.  You are 59 +40 here in Virginia. I'm running a pair of 3-500Z's at 1500W out into a dipole at 70'... over"


Fabio:

" HAHAHA! Thank you for flowers my friend Steve!  No wonder my friend Steve. You are like local!  For you, now five nine plus plus!    You like local station from Stateside... in Vargeenea. Old man, you have best working conditions.

Here I run TS-930 driving Sugar Baby 2-2-zero -  400 watts into vertical. Well, all the best to you and family and I look for you again on 80 meter, my friend, Steve."

[W1RKW]

One of the things that irritates me to no end is the use of HI HI (cw parlance) when using phone. This morning I was listening to a QSO and everything that this old slop bucket fart from Florida was transmitting thought was humorous ended with a Hi Hi on each sentence. I didn't find anything in any of his egotistical one sided transmissions humorous at all.  Phil hit it on the head.  Hi Hi 

[W2VW]

In 2006 we need more people interested in ham radio. If they sound like total idiots on the air then we should help them instead of making fun of them.
 Forget the above if they hang out with that collection of intentional ne'er do well QRMers masquerading as good guys known as the Marconi net.

[k4kyv]

And another one is

"The working conditions here are <insert radio model> and <insert antenna>."

Woriking conditions? I thought is was the station, or equipment or set up or JS arrangement. Working conditions? QTF??

That one dates back to the mid 1960's, amongst French-speaking hams.  The term in French is "les conditions de travail."  It's roughly equivalent to "the rig here," referring to the station set-up as a whole.

I first heard discussion regarding it being used in English about six months ago.  I don't think I have ever heard it actually used in a QSO.  Most comments I have heard about "operating conditions" seem to regard it as being akin to CB lingo. 

Another one, probably also taken from French dating back to that same era, is "op."  In French, the commonly used equivalent (on phone) to "my name is...," is le nom de l'opérateur est... (the name of the operator is...).  In recent years, I have noticed English-speaking hams on CW more and more frequently using OP, as in "UR 579 IN CHICAGO  OP STEVE..."  Certainly more efficient than laboriously tapping out "MY NAME NAME IS STEVE STEVE STEVE" at 5 wpm.

[k4kyv]

One of the things that irritates me to no end is the use of HI HI (cw parlance) when using phone. This morning I was listening to a QSO and everything that this old slop bucket fart from Florida was transmitting thought was humorous ended with a Hi Hi on each sentence. I didn't find anything in any of his egotistical one sided transmissions humorous at all.  Phil hit it on the head.  Hi Hi 

Even worse when instead of pronouncing it as "high high,"  it is pronounced "aitch-eye."

[Ed-VA3ES]

I've been an observer of the CB and Freebands for years.  My take is that the terms personal (actually first personal), "working condiitions" etc, come from the Freeband.  When I hear someone using those terms on HF or 2M, I know what their history is.  I generally dissuade them from their continued use.

[Sam KS2AM]

Tuning across our bands in recent years, I have come up with the stock non-AM QSO in today's world of dumbed-down, appliance-operating amateur radio:
SSB or CW:
FM:

My favorite SSB quotes:

"Ahmm runnin' a 756 PRO III with a Heil Goldline PRO with a G5RV at twenny feet" .
Note - Make sure to emphasize the word PRO in any equipment description so maybe folks will overlook the bad antenna.

"QRZ ?" when no one is calling you, but if the rare DX stations can do it, why not you too ? 

"QRZ the frequency ?" uhhh, still don't hear anyone but maybe the frequency is calling me !?



Favorite FM quote:

"I'm switching to high-power! How do you copy now ?"
( op switches handy talkie from 500mw to 5 watts and points 3 inch rubber duckie at repeater )
Correct response ... "you still sound like crap"


And yes, we should help wherever and whenever we can.

[Steve - WB3HUZ]

Too funny Tom!

Yea, all SSB ops are idiots. It's a well known fact.

[wb1aij]

I will play "Devils Advocate" on this one as I agree with W8ZNX. How can the mode switch on a rig change the personality of the operator? To say that all SSB operators are idiots or are boring is about as valid as saying, All New Yorkers don't know how to drive or all Californians are wierd. I have heard people say both of these rediculous statements.

One of my SSB QSOs was with a sailor in the U.S. Navy on a ship in the north Atlantic during a storm with 80 foot waves. Another was a ham piloting a single engine airplane over Santa Monica, California. I have played chess games over the air on SSB with a ham who lived in the middle-of-nowhere, Arizona. One SSB operator was an electrician on the railroad for 30 years and he had a wealth of interesting info in that field. Talked with him for almost 2 hours. Another was a machinist who built a rotatable 80 meter quad. The whole tower rotated on a track.

On AM I have heard people spend hours describing a circuit that they built, component by component. Draw a picture and post it on the internet for gods sake. Another AMer talked at length about a festering pimple on his ass. NICE. Another one (who sounded like Hardy Har Har in the old "Lippy the Lion" cartoons)had described in detail how he is going to grind up the grain to make the flour for his breakfast pancakes or when and how many logs he has to feed the wood stove. The excitement is almost too much to bear. Then there are 2 guys who talk so  s  l  o  w  l  y  in a monotone that my receiver switches itself into standby mode. And last but not least is the cacophony of burps,farts,tuberculosis coughing,and throat clearing. Real nice.

Mostly , though, the AM QSOs are lively and interesting. My point is that it is the guy behind the microphone and NOT the position of the mode switch that determines the worth of the QSO.

[Herb K2VH]

WB1AIJ said:

"To say that all SSB operators are idiots or are boring is about as valid as saying, All New Yorkers don't know how to drive or all Californians are wierd. I have heard people say both of these rediculous statements."

Why not just say, Avoid stereotyping and be done with this thread?  It is becoming a drag.

vH

[W1ATR]

And last but not least is the cacophony of burps,farts,tuberculosis coughing,and throat clearing. Real nice.

This is the type of operating that gets me going. It's so f'n disgusting to hear this kind of thing come out of the radio, that it makes the whole lot of us look like a bunch of GDamn hicks. Pro bcasters cut the mic with a mute button when they have to hack up a lung, why the hell can't these guys.

That why I NEVER buy a used microphone.

end rant

[wb1aij]

Why not just say, Avoid stereotyping and be done with this thread?  It is becoming a drag.

vH

And yet you still click on it and read it.

[K1JJ]

Yes, of course....  If you step back and look, there is really little difference between many enthusiastic ssb operators and AMers. The only difference is the numbers. There are beginner AMers too, just like on ssb. We all desire much the same things... a big signal, to hear well, be accepted into a group, get recognition amongst our peers for our accomplishments, to have fun, etc.

When active, I operate at least 40% on ssb, 10% on CW and maybe 50% on AM. The quality of ops you speak with depends on who you seek out.

I find the ssb USA and foreign guys in the DX windows to be quite sharp. There's also lots of pretty cool ssb rag chew groups too. Take the 3818 guys. Now that's a pretty intelligent and interesting group to listen to. Popular Amer, Bob/W2ZM is a perfect example. I hear him nightly on ssb working the Euros in the DX window and having a ball. He's a big log down there now. This is new for him.

This thread is all about having some fun. The ssb QSO's on the band can be funny to listen to at times. We should also laugh if some diehard ssbers ran a thread about AMers, poking fun about old buzzard transmissions and the classic Tron mannerisms many of us do... or talk about our audio day in and day out...

We are all different and can be viewed as geeks from another's point of view.  The point is to seek out and hang with hams with similar interests as yours - then all is hi hi FB, OM.  Do what gives the most pleasure and fun in radio - while still staying open to new ideas..

To restrict oneself to JUST AM is really blocking oneself of many opportunities and potential new friends.

T

[Herb K2VH]

Why not just say, Avoid stereotyping and be done with this thread?  It is becoming a drag.

vH

And yet you still click on it and read it.

Actually, Bob, my email alerts me to come back to this thread every time there's a new post.  Bur you're right.  It's time to notify amforum that I no longer wish to view this thread.  On the other hand, how is that any different from all these guys who continue to listen to all the crap that they are laboriously describing here?

vH

[Steve - WB3HUZ]

It's called facetiousness. Sheesh. Do you really think I'm saying ALL SSBers are idiots? Please. I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.

That said, until fairly recently, the mode did have a lot to do with the person. Those who chose to run AM did so because they didn't go along with the mainstream. They tended to think outside the box, not follow the crowd, and were more independent. I find these people generally more interesting. Those who went with SSB were following the crowd, less open minded, followers, basically sheep - far less interesting.

These are just generalities though, so there are smart, interesting people on SSB, and dumb, boring ones on AM. It's all a bell curve. I just think the AM bell curve has the hump further towards the interesting side of the continuum than SSB. YMMV.

[K1JJ]

These are just generalities though, so there are smart, interesting people on SSB, and dumb, boring ones on AM. It's all a bell curve. I just think the AM bell curve has the hump further towards the interesting side of the continuum than SSB. YMMV.

      Good point, OM. 

(BTW, Axe Larry and Richard what is "interesting" to them - we might blow out the curve a little... )

T

[Bill, KD0HG]

That why I NEVER buy a used microphone.

end rant

I see your point.

One of our Denver rock stations interviewed a blues harp player who went on to discuss how he had the flu while performing and ended up ruining one of his harmonicas by upchucking into it...

[Steve - WB3HUZ]

Maybe we'll find out how the amp stored in the bath rooom is doing?

These are just generalities though, so there are smart, interesting people on SSB, and dumb, boring ones on AM. It's all a bell curve. I just think the AM bell curve has the hump further towards the interesting side of the continuum than SSB. YMMV.

      Good point, OM. 

(BTW, Axe Larry and Richard what is "interesting" to them - we might blow out the curve a little... )

T