on the crackle, use GOJO hand cleaner ( the white stuff)
GOJO!
Back in 1968 I worked part time at an auto parts store after school. There was a counter guy there named "Tiny" and he was an absolute wise-guy. He weighed about 300 pounds and took no crap from customers.
There was a customer who came in every few days to buy one of those large tubs of white creme GOJO hand cleaner. Tiny finally couldn't take it any more and said to the guy, "Whad'ya ya do with this stuff, heat it up, spin it and stick your d**k in it?" The guy looked shocked, then got pissed and left. He never came back....
Tiny almost lost his job over it.
T