Two Meter Band Explodes!

THE GEARVAKf BULLETIN
(Where the f is silent)

Vol. 29 No. 1
TWO METER BAND EXPLODES

[This special report from GEARVAKf New Service arrived at the GEARVAKf Bulletin just moments ago.]
Mt. Lishnus Observatory, Mt. Idy, Ohio-- In a special news conference just concluded, Dr. Avruell U. Harnishe, Chairman of the GEARVAKf Scientific Studies Committee, announced that the two meter amateur radio band has just exploded. Apparently there has been widespread property damage and injury to hundreds of hams operating on the band at the time of the explosion. Emergency rooms report a high incidence of pelvic injuries due to the popularity of the "shack on the belt" mode of operation. There is also fear of widespread damage to the nations telephone infrastructure, due to the number of mobile stations autopatching home (the blast occurred during rush hour) to obtain grocery lists from their spouses.

The blast came at 5:03 PM EDT and measured about 9.2 on the Richter scale. According to Dr. Harnishe, the rupture was so violent that some pieces of the shattered frequencies actually achieved Earth orbit. Other debris from the massive explosion continues to fall through the ether placing all radio frequencies at risk of serious damage from collisions with two meter band fragments.

A statement issued moments ago by the Federal Communications Commission calls the situation "extremely dangerous." FCC spokesman Ralph R. Spiffee said that the two meter band had been "blown to smithereens throughout the nation and perhaps the world." He warned all radio operators to get away from their radio equipment and stay away until the cloud settles.

"Although no deaths have yet been reported among amateurs using two meters at the time of the blast," Mr. Spiffee said, "I wouldn't be surprised if there were fatalities." Dr. Harnishe told reporters that it was to early to assess the long term effects of the disaster, but it was almost certain that two meters was damaged beyond repair.

"We believe the explosion originated on the West Coast and propagated rapidly eastward," Dr. Harnishe continued. "The blast was so powerful that the shock wave made RF frequencies momentarily visible as it passed thru the air," he said. "The most distressing thing about this tragedy is that it could have been avoided. Five years ago we warned people that two meters was going to blow up, but nobody paid attention; now there is no more two meter band," Harnishe concluded.

In 1991, the Scientific Studies Committee predicted that increased use was raising pressure within the band because more energy was being put in than there was being taken out. At that time Dr. Harnishe explained that sensitive modern receiver circuits required very small amounts of RF to produce a readable 144 MHz signal and were bleeding off very little RF energy. Much more RF energy was being transmitted into the band than was being removed through receivers, so the pressure rose dramatically.

To reduce the pressure, he suggested that all amateur radio operators listen to two meters for at least six months without transmitting. The no transmit rule would have allowed most of the overpressure to be reduced gradually to a safe level. Unfortunately, nobody listened--either to two meters or to Dr. Harnishe. The result is a disaster of such major proportions that it makes the 20 meter band fire of nearly a decade ago pale in comparison.