My Home Isolation Story

I Am Legend
by KK4YY

To break the boredom of isolation, and as an alternative to all the coffee we drink around here, my wife bought some tea. Unfortunately, it's named "Lady Grey" tea. I'm going to make me a cup and try not to think about how drinking a tea named Lady Grey makes me feel like I should be sipping it in a little café somewhere while I look for a tissue in my handbag to clean off any lipstick that gets on my cup while I die just a little inside. Well, here goes anyway.

Dang, this tea is actually pretty good! And surprize, there's no lipstick on my cup. I'm ditching the handbag for a fanny pack and going to roll out of this café to meet up with my bois now. Then, the stark reality hits me. I don't have any bois, I'm a loner. A loner wearing a fanny pack. But I know, I know, is there another kind?

Anyway this tea has got me feeling so legend that I stroll out on my front porch in my pajamas and smoke a cigarette while I sip away at it. Wow, I've really got the look now wearing pajamas, fanny pack, smoking, and sipping tea. What a unit! I'd like to walk around and find a neighbors Ring® doorbell in hopes that they may post a snap of me that goes all meme on Twitter and boosts my street cred, but it seems like wishful thinking that it may actually happen that way. I should take the chance though, because it would be so much more organic than me posting a selfie (while still being just as self serving). Be right back...

Okay, I put on a mask and went all around the block only to find that none of my neighbors have a Ring® doorbell. What a sad lot of technophobes. I did manage to frighten some children when I stumbled onto their porch unexpectedly wearing my old hockey mask, but that's not likely to boost my image unless their parents called the cops. Doubling down on that possibility, I walked over to the police station in town and struck an intimidating pose in front of the security cam they have aimed at their patrol cars parked outside. The light rain which had been falling all morning took the edge off my profile a bit, but still, I'm a damn fine sight right here now. Cops being cops, and having seen it all before, they didn't come outside to beat me or anything. I suspect they were just put off by the rain. Like anyone else, they have to choose their battles.

I've finished my tea now and I've realized that it's life's small pleasures that really mean so much. All this isolation has made me a better man. I can see so much more clearly now.

All in all, I think I'm handling this isolation well, but I can't stop hoping to become the subject of a legendary Twitter meme. That would just be so righteous. And by righteous, I mean legend. And by legend, I mean I've got a handy talkie in my fanny pack.