WHY MEN DIE FIRST

[wavebourn]

WHY MEN DIE FIRST

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries......
but, now we know.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the
rat race...you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework...you're a pansy.

If you work too hard...there's never any time for her.

If you don't work enough...you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay...this is
exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay...you should get
off your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her.....that is favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you......it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks......it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet..........it's male indifference.

If you cry............you're a wimp.

If you don't........you're an insensitive bastard.

If you make a decision without consulting her...you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you...she's a liberated

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy...that's domination.

If SHE asks you.........it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear...... you're
a pervert.

If you don't..............you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in
shape..............you're sexist.

If you don't.................you're unromantic.

If you don't................you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers.............you're after something.

If you don't....................you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements........ you're full of yourself.

If you don't....................you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache............she's tired.

If you have a headache.............you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often.........you're oversexed.

If you don't..........there must be someone else.

Men die first because they want to.

[K1JJ]

Another reason why:

[WA1GFZ]

Hey tom,
He does have redundant jacks in case 1 fails.

[wavebourn]

Women's humor:

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of North Carolina."

And they say blondes are dumb...
_____________________

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"

The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
_______________________

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
_______________________

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly.

She said - Well, you succeeded.
______________________

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
_______________________

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
______________________

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor
_______________________

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...

Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!
__________________

AND THE BEST ONE YET...

A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:

* She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
* Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
* Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
* Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
* And her husband is on the back of the milk carton

[k4kyv]

Q:  Why do men fart more than women?

A:  Because a woman won't keep her mouth shut long enough for the pressure to build up.

[W3SLK]

"The worst fight my wife and I got into was when she asked, 'What's on TV' and I said, 'Dust'"..... Henny Youngman

[W3SLK]

And now some for us guys:

Subject: Fw: Guy's Rules
 
 -----The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you  want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a Vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or radios with tubes.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[Jack-KA3ZLR-]

While surfing I found this:

http://img159.exs.cx/img159/6567/holeOWNED.gif

Talk about a Bad Hair day.

[w3jn]

Hey, Tolly, welcome back!  How wuz southern Cal?

73 John

[Steve - WB3HUZ]

Ouch!

Although almost 700k is a bit much for a tiny 3 second video clip. Someone needs to get hip to video codecs and stop with the animated Gifs!

While surfing I found this:

http://img159.exs.cx/img159/6567/holeOWNED.gif

Talk about a Bad Hair day.

[Dave / KE1AV]

Q:  Why do men fart more than women?

A:  Because a woman won't keep her mouth shut long enough for the pressure to build up.

women don't fart.....they just have a need to stand next to dogs that do!
 :shock:

[wavebourn]

Hey, Tolly, welcome back!  How wuz southern Cal?

73 John

I wanna live there!