Bad car accident, wife is unconscious in the hospital

[AJ1G]

Yvonne and you are in my prayers....Chris, AJ1G.

[ei9ju]

OMG those photos are frightening, my heart goes out to you and your family, you're in my thoughts and I pray for a speedy recovery.

[VE3GZB]

She is in a coma from the collision. Up until now nobody used the "C" word but today the doctor used it. The doctor spoke to us all, Yvonne's parents, me, Krista, Matthew, Yvonne's sister. Yvonne's injury is described as micro hemmoraging due to shearing injury from the force of the impact.

Hemmoraging has been brought under control apparently but please bear in mind that apparently she was trapped in the car for about an hour after the collision in the injured state due to the very bad weather and road conditions up here.

We saw that she is able to move a bit more, but more or less involuntary movements. Her left arm, wrist are able to move, so are her legs and her neck and lower jaw now. She is breathing on her own now.

And when he appears to feel the pain, her heart rate and blood pressure increase, when the pain medicine is injected then her heart rate and blood pressure returns to normal. So at least there is still neural feedback and her system is able to alarm itself, able to sense and self-adjust the autonomic responses.

We can't know what effect the brain injury will have upon her life. Her vital signs are stable though. I just got off the phone with the hospital and they told me so.

How are we doing? Matthew is grieving horribly but in his own way. So is Krista. Krista is able to vocalize her emotions better, Matthew has an impulsive need to act out. The school and the hospital are all aware of these things and the kids will not be neglected.

And me? I'm a freaking basket case I think....I become totally absorbed in the tragedy if I'm left alone to think about it too long. I'm not eating right, I feel absolutely dreadful as if something so precious has been robbed from me, or killed off, I can't keep my mind straight, if I think about something or if I'm reminded about her in some little thing, I start to choke up and verge on losing self composition. Self control becomes quite hard.

If it weren't for the support of her family, I don't know what I would do.

I look at things about me....at the cookies she baked, the last dishes she washed, at her house robe, where she left the empty crate of baby oranges to be put in the recycling. I think about the last morning I kissed her bye for departure to work and her last electronic message to me which I received at work the morning of the collision. Then I begin to fear that these things may become monuments or memories instead of the normal daily things which I need her to be here for. I want to preserve every detail just as she left them so when she comes home, she will feel at home. I don't want her to leave me.

Then a part of me thinks the worst and wonders what if she never comes home? How can I positively say for certain? It's truly dreadful and a part of me wishes to be by her side, to share her fate if need be, if only to be close to her.

We all desperately need her here, me, the family, the kids....how does life switch from one thing to another in the blink of an eye? I shall never understand it.

Right now, time has been frozen solid for us. Our days are mere seconds to Yvonne in her state. Her life has been brought to a glacial pace and we have to be grateful that she still has a good heartbeat, she is breathing on her own and appears now to be able to sense and react internally to pain.

geo

[K5UJ]

Dear George,

I can't imagine how emotionally devastating this is for you and your family.  Speaking for myself as this guy on the Internet, there is a limit to what I can do for you in terms of consolation and support.  In addition to this forum, I urge you to seek help from people nearby who know how to help people in crises.  Besides family members, avail yourself of hospital case workers and clergy.  I have found that one of the things that helped me get through difficult times such as this was narrowing my time focus down to just one day.  As hard as it is George, don't think about tomorrow and yesterday.  Just focus on dealing with what you are managing today and take things one item at a time.   One of the worst things is not knowing what is going to happen and not having answers.  I can say from experience that everything works out for the best eventually, but it can take time.  Remember that and only focus on today's difficulties.


Rob

[Opcom]

God bless you Geo, I know nothing, but it may just take some time. Some awful time for you, waiting and worrying, and for her, for her body and brain to heal. We will keep up our prayers for your household day by day, and we will keep them up before Him daily.

[ve6pg]

..well said rob..

..tim..

..sk..

[VE3GZB]

I just woke from what you might call sleep. It's almost 7 am.

I went to bed around 1 am, awoke around 4 am and just had to call and know what was happening with her. Her condition remains unchanged.

I know this is absolutely horrible for her but it's killing me too. My life revolved around her. Without her here, it's as if my anchor is gone and I will have no reason to be. It's such an awful existence to be and to love but for one's soulmate to be torn from your side.

I'm a mess.

geo

[W1UJR]

Just came across this thread, my heart goes out to you and your family George.
I'll be keeping Yovonne and your family in prayer today.
God is in control of this, as he is in all things, comfort in that my friend.

[DMOD]

Just came across this thread, my heart goes out to you and your family George.

Same here George.

We'll have the whole congregation pray for you and your family at Sunday services.

As one other member so well stated stated, avail yourself of clergy and other consultaton services. They are there to help you in this difficult time.

Phil - AC0OB

[N0WVA]

 George, this is the toughest time to go through. Every day that goes by will put you on an emotional roller coaster ride of what to expect. It might be hard to understand, but the wait might be easier if you prepare for the worst. That way, whatever happens, you have it covered. Just make sure you have plenty of family and friends around.

Closest thing Ive experienced to this was my oldest brother dying in an auto accident. I was 19 at the time. Its kind of hard to adjust when someone you grew up with and worked /lived with every day of your life is suddenly absent. I still have dreams he is sitting on the rocking chair in the living room and we are all talking as if nothing happened.

But then I think this life is so short, he just went where the millions of others have went before and where the rest of us are soon to follow. None of us can escape that fate, but time sure doesnt seem short when you are missing someone.

I pray Yvonne will snap out of this and that she is in good care.

[KE6DF]

George, this is terrible. I check several times a day for a message saying she has regained consciousness.

If you are a member of any church, I highly suggest you seek some support there. Or go to the chuch of a friend or relative if you don't have one. Pastors are trained to help people deal with things like this.

[K9PNP]

George - Just got internet back up.  Thank God that she is doing as well as she is.  I have worked too many incidents like this for 45 years.  Looked at the vehicle photos;  she was very fortunate to have lived through the initial collision.  From what I read in all the messages, she is responding appropriately to some stimuli and her vital signs are stable and she is beathing on her own.  This are a good things.  Almost lost my wife in 2008 due to a medical problem.  Am praying for you both.

[K7NCR]

George,
Just a year and a half ago, my sister-in-law was in an accident and trapped in the wreck like your Mrs. was. I swore she was a gonner, coma, the whole works. But today, she is getting around OK, has limited use of her left hand, but did get her drivers license back this last summer. God and time are great healers. Just hang in there, and have faith. The waiting is the worst part. You are in our prayers.
Norm K7NCR

[VE3GZB]

Yvonne's sister in law has set up a blog which we'll all keep updated through phone updates from the hospital and visits.

http://yvonneonthemend.blogspot.com

Please pass the link on to anyone you wish to and please comment and wish her your best.

She's made some progress today and I'm feeling so relieved. The brain pressure measuring device could be removed today, they were removing it when I arrived to see her at noon.

Immediately I telephoned my mom in Brampton who then phoned Yvonne's parents in Grand Valley with the news! Her brain pressure and vitals are all very stable now, she doesn't need the respirator any longer and they can just let Yvonne get the rest to heal. She is still in a coma and at first I was horribly terrified out of my wits...all of the very worst dreams and thoughts invaded any bit of sleep I attempted.

I visited my brother and he is in the military reserve. I visited him today on the way back from St. Mikes. Part of his training happens to include battlefield wound diagnosis and treatment, and so we sat down together and we went over Yvonne's wounds as if she were a wounded soldier.

After going through this process, I can see that although her injuries looked awful and her coma, her fractures were so horrible to imagine, she's in a good position now to be able to heal well.

In my brother's words, her wounds and the appearance of her car make it look much worse but she's in a very good position to recover.

Krista only received cuts and bruises, no broken bones. But she is nervous and upset all the same. She will need understanding to help her through any feelings of guilt.

I updated the kids about Yvonne's condition now as well, and they feel better too. We all miss her terribly, the house is not the same without her. But now that she is off the ventilator and brain pressure is no longer required to be monitored, I think I'll finally get something that resembles sleep tonight.

Thank you and she will continue to need your prayers and hopes and positive thoughts. She is my life and I and the kids need her love and need her back in our lives.

geo

[VE3GZB]

When I read your post, I burst into tears.

Maybe some day we'll look back to see how much of this grieving was not needed.....but not this day.

I wake up this morning, it is 6 am Sunday. The gas heater makes a flame that heats the room. I need the warmer night temperatures now because I sleep alone and this flame, the light from it, I can see it in my sleep. And it reminds me that I'm alone now. But at the same time not yet alone.

I'm waiting for Yvonne to come back to me. And then I phoned her nurse. Yvonne has had a bit of blood added to her system to improve her hemoglobin. Before the accident she was just about to start taking the iron pills for her health.

The nurse told me that Yvonne is still good strong vital signs, and a little bit more spontaneous movement from her limbs, which the nurse said is a good sign.

Then I started to think to myself "will we be having this conversation, repeating this same situation 10 years from now?" Then I start to shake and cry because I miss her so damned much, it's too hard for me to go to sleep or even think clearly. Nobody to talk to at this time of the morning in this room, I sit and struggle alone with this fear - alone. No Yvonne to calm me and talk to me. I have to sit and write this out. These are the very things which are torturing me right now.

When I had worries, fears, I could always count on Yvonne to help me understand things and put things into a better perspective. Without her guidance, I stumble in my mind and find it hard to remain in composure of myself. I'm always a worrier by nature and her absence only magnifies and amplifies my weaknesses which she so gracefully balanced against.

I wish I had an answer as to when I might start to expect her consciousness to return. But I don't have an answer, I don't even have a clue. Nobody does, that's the problem of course. And now that I need her the most, I have to try to stay in good health and look after myself for the day she awakens and can finally come home. How will I survive if it is a very long time until then? I don't think I can handle it because how I miss Yvonne constantly comes to my mind and I feel like I will fall apart.

Today we will go and visit her. I have been to the hospital for 4 days in a row now. Yvonne is making healing, making progress. She belongs here, she is needed here and loved here. Everything in the house cries out for her touch.

A part of me wonders and fears whether this house will ever be a home to her ever again, or will end up being a museum to her. I cannot shut that part off because it is attached to missing her.

This week at work, it will be the hardest time of my life. Work hours and distance will prevent me from visiting her all week. It won't be until the weekend that I can sit with her.

It is so peaceful to sit with her, to hold her hand and look at her. I feel connected to her that way, I feel the warmth of her hand and I can gaze at her face, remember her beautiful smile and how she would light my heart every minute.

Thank you. Please keep us in your thoughts. My thoughts are driving my crazy at these dark, lonely times when I awaken to the sound of emptiness.

geo

[VE3GZB]

Hi

She's made a bit more progress today. But now my time will be totally consumed and I might not have time to post to this thread.

Please see the blog created by Yvonne's sister in law Julie:

http://yvonneonthemend.blogspot.com/

It's updated daily about her condition, updated with input from all of us. Please share the blog with others, post to it, offer your hopes and prayers.

Thank you for your friendship and support.
I'm feeling rather wiped.
73s
geo
VE3GZB

[flintstone mop]

Geo,
Thanks for the link. It will be amazing what happens in the days ahead. The human body can heal and repair, given time. I'll keep her in my prayers. I'll be finding out first-hand, about family emergencies, as he is declining and decisions have to be made about hospice.

Fred

[VE3GZB]

I posted an update on the blog, at

http://yvonneonthemend.blogspot.com/2010/02/day-six.html

I phoned the hospital this morning. Yvonne had a good sleep last night, well rested. That's good because that's what my little angel needs.

I know - over the last 5 days I got maybe 15 hours sleep in total. Sister in law's knowledge of herbal stuff helped me to actually get sleep last night.

This morning Yvonne goes in for surgery to better fix her right arm which was so hurt.

I only learned last night that the emergency surgery she received the day of the accident lasted for 9 hours! EEK! Wow! My poor angel!

Please keep her in your thoughts and in your prayers every day, please share your prayers with the family on the blog so she can return to us soon!

And if anyone knows the e-mail address, or can contact NL7QC in Rice Lake, WI, can you apologize to him from me for not sending him a QSL card? I was going to, then other things got in the way.

Thank you,
geo

[VE3GZB]

Sometimes we get so close to a tragedy, we lose sight of how we can work to help. So I had a bit of a eureka moment at work today about how to help Yvonne.

While at work, talking to my boss whose a brain cancer survivor, his wife who was a nurse in Denmark and has seen people come out of comas and putting ideas from Helen Keller together, it hit me.

When we visit Yvonne, now is the time to start to use the one sense she has right now - touch - for tickling her memory for familiar feelings, words, signs and thoughts.

Simply put, when I would come home from work, we would hug. Then I'd spell out on her back "I L Y". And she would do the same.

So why don't we incorporate this into our visits, just on her stomach or her right arm!

I've already spoken to her parents, her sister, brother and sister in law Julie and we're all on the same page with this one, I've let my mom know too.

I'm calling this Operation Bring-Yvonne-Home, and we're not gonna stop until she's home safe and sound, no matter what it takes.

I struggled to figure out why I was so damned depressed and besides the obvious reasons, it hit me - I felt like a damned spectator instead of a participant! This is the time Yvonne needs us to participate in her recovery even if it's just by spelling a familiar short phrase on her skin.

I bounced the idea off of my boss and he said absolutely! The brain DOES heal itself, he is living proof (brain tumor the size of an Orange messed with his memory for a long time until he was found collapsed on the bathroom floor), it does sprout new connections, and these connections need stimulation to grow!

Tomorrow I have 1/2 day off, I will go with Yvonne's parents at noon to see her and I'm starting her regime of rehab right away, even if she's still in a coma. There's no better time to start than the present.

I feel a lot better already, but I admit I'm kicking myself because the answer was in front of me all the time - I was just so distracted by the shock and pain, I thought I was going to lose her forever. I thought I was going to be a victim.

Now I know better - I'm going to be part of the solution!

Yvonne had surgery today on her right arm and according to the nurse, she came through "with flying colours"! Her vitals are strong. She's still in a coma though.

geo

[VE3GZB]

Yvonne has a long recovery ahead of her, it's only been one week and she's still making baby steps but all in the right direction.

The family maintains a blog on her recovery. Please comfort the family and send your prayers. Keep Yvonne in your hearts and in your prayers.

http://yvonneonthemend.blogspot.com/

73s from geo + Yvonne's kids.

[VE3GZB]

Please keep checking the blog for updates and please keep her in your prayers. She's working hard, making small steps towards regaining independence and consciousness.

Here's a picture of her from nov 2007 when we were playing with a webcam we bought. She looks so happy!



I miss her so much.

http://yvonneonthemend.blogspot.com/

73s, geo, VE3GZB, temporarily silent until my sweetheart returns to me. I just don't feel like enjoying something while she's away and hurting, it doesn't feel right.

[Carl WA1KPD]

Hang in there George.

I know all too well how tough it is to go through something like this.

But she is here, healing and all of that is good. Our prayers and thoughts are with all of you OM

Carl

?KPD

[VE3GZB]

I'll visit the hospital tomorrow. She's back on the ventilator unfortunately.

EEG results show no seizures but they need to talk to me more about these results tomorrow. I don't like the sound of that.

A cute pic of Yvonne at age 2, sweet deaf little girl.

[WD5JKO]

Geo,

  We are all pulling for Yvonne's recovery, and for you to get her back home.

I wanted you to know that your posts have really touched me, and at times I broke into tears while reading them. You have great writing talent that made me feel your pain and desperation.

Many folks go through their whole lives without really loving, or being loved. No matter what the outcome, you are a lucky man since you my friend know first hand the joy of a wonderful loving relationship.

All The Best,
Jim
WD5JKO

 

[DMOD]

Ventillators and breathing machines are great.

A couple summers ago my mother (89) had pancreatitus and had to be put on the ventillator.

She recovered admirably and when I called the other day, she was painting the bathroom.

She is now 91.

So keep the faith.

Yvonne needs you for support.

BTW, this story has hit me hard; my wife's middle name is Yvonne.


Phil - AC0OP