The AM Forum

Why guys hate Christmas   

1. Shopping

"Hey. I've got a couple of hours. Want to go to the mall?" Ever hear a guy say that? Of course not. Guys hate shopping. There are only four stores that guys like, hardware, sporting goods, car & motorcycle parts and electronics. Well five, maybe: liquor stores. But at Christmas we get to go to the mall where two thirds of the stores are woman's apparel and the rest are home furnishings, jewelry, perfumes and things that we can't even figure out. We're there when the crowds are suffocating and you can't even find parking.

2. Christmas music

In the mall for sure but also on the radio, on TV even on street corners we're bombarded by Christmas music. Jingle Bell Rock really sets my nerves on edge although that Paul McCartney song, "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time", is a close second in obxiousness. There is no respite. The other day I went to put gas in the car. What was playing over the tiny speakers at the gas pump? Christmas music.

3. Getting it wrong

No matter how hard you try you're going to get it wrong. You can even bring in daughters and girl friends and you're still going to get it wrong. When your honey opens the present that you braved the crowds to acquire you're likely to get one of two expressions, maybe not words (although maybe words) but at least looks: 1) Oh honey, you're such a sweet dufus (to get me this entirely wrong thing) 2) Hurt look. How could you after all this time together get me this? You aren't paying any attention to me at all, are you?

"Don't worry, honey. I'll take it back"

4. The stuff you get

You wanted and maybe even mentioned, maybe even made a list: A nice 3/8" drive Snap-On socket set to replace that piece of crap you bought when you were just a kid; new tires for your mountain bike; a gift certificate at Orvis; some nice, old single malt Scotch.

What did you get? fuzzy slippers, a sweater, a festive tie. Festive tie? Talk about unclear on the concept. The only reason to wear a tie is to promote the illusion that you're a fine, responsible, upstanding guy to help you get a loan, get a raise, get a break on the traffic ticket. A Matisse print tie does not do that. Nevertheless, you're going to wear it at least once.

You're also going to wear at least once the fuzzy slippers and the pull over sweater. There are different rules for guys. She can take back what you bought her because aw shucks guys are just silly dufuses. But if you take back what she bought you it's a full-fledged insult. That's just the way it is.

5. The relatives.

Face it. Any relatives you actually like you manage to see throughout the year. But the holidays are family time which means you get to spend time with all the rest of them, the sister-in-law with her juvenile delinquent kids, the insufferable cousin (put a sock in it!), and your mother-in-law who never liked you and still doesn't. Be nice. Be polite.

6. Yule Logs

Christmas cards are one thing. They evoke minor guilt because you didn't send one to them. Now you'll send one back but it will arrive after Christmas. You aren't fooling anyone. But a lot of Christmas cards come with Yule Logs. The people who write Yule Logs live a life more charmed than yours:

"We so enjoyed seeing the Olympics as guests of the ambassador but we had to rush right back to hear junior give the commencement address at Harvard Law School. We're so proud of him, graduating first in his class. Sissy's not far behind though. She a junior this year at Julliard and had the thrill of a life giving her debut concert at Carnegie Hall with the Philharmonic. She played the famous Rachmaninoff #3. I guess all those years of piano lessons paid off. We're settling into our new life now that Hank is president of the new division. It means a lot more travel and a lot less time at the country club. Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Paris. Don't be a stranger -- your pal Marianne."

7. Putting on weight

The only way I have a hope in hell of slowing the weight gain is to not buy the bad stuff, not bring it into the house. Whatever it is, cookies, cakes, pie, if it makes it to the house, I'm going to eat it. During the holidays, the bad stuff is all over the place, at work, at parties. Neighbors bring it over. We even make it. "Let's bake cookies like grandma used to! " There it is. I eat it. It's a diversion at least. But adding five or ten pounds is almost inevitable.

8. Paying for it

These days many families split the financial burdens but if you're in one of the old fashioned ones as I am where the guy is the bread winner you're stuck paying for all this stuff, not just the presents you bought that she didn't like, but also the presents for the kids which disappointed them, and the stuff she got you that you don't really want and can't take back. Your dreams of buying that new, giant TV with 3D are just that much further off.

9. Need one more here. There are so many contenders.

10. Pretending to like it.

Being a Scrooge is not cool, not cool at all. So enjoy the eggnog, the Christmas carols, the Nutcracker

Wow.

I thought it was just me.

THANK YOU !

For number 9 you can list Christmas LIGHTS!!!  Find the dang single bulb out of 100 in series that is keeping the whole string out...  

hammer hits nail on head. 

BAH...........HUMBUG! ! ! ! ! !


POOEY ON ALL OF THAT!! I'd much prefer a good relaxed day of playing radio...............

I swear you were channeling Andy Rooney!  Very funny!! :)

For number 10, add the blogs, chain e-mails, letters to the editor and newspaper opinion pages that proliferate this time of year, complaining about the "War on Christmas" waged by those subversive communist hippie infidels destroying America by wishing their fellow citizens "Happy Holiday" or "Season's Greetings" instead of "Happy Christmas".

I even heard a complaint a year or two ago about hams sending "XMAS" greetings on CW instead of spelling out the whole word in full.  ::)

A good list, indeed.

Now to be contrary;

1) I LIKE the xtra  :P days off. More time to hunt, play radio and hide from the in(out)laws!
2) I LIKE sleeping-in once in a while during the time off!
3) I LIKE the xtra (hee hee) time in the woodshop to tinker.

In short, I LIKE stealing as much XTRA time for li'l ol' me as I can!

Don,
I think its "Merry Christmas" ;) 
Enjoy,
Joe, W3GMS 

I have it on good authority that Christmas is one of the most favored, if not the favorite holiday in the GMS household.  ;)

Something new to add to your list Don, would be the "Holiday tree". Was reading an article in the paper a couple days ago on how some people don't want the Christmas trees the towns put up to be called Christmas trees anymore because it offends them. So now it's a Holiday tree. Jeez, thanks.  

Holiday Tree is one of the things that realy ticks me off, they don't have oaks for the druids, they dont have aluminim polls for festivus, they have evergreens for Christmas..... at least have the guts to stand up and say what your selling.  If your going to make a buck off a Christian Holiday then make a buck but at least call it what it is.

Oh and Happy Christmas is the way they say it in England,

For Everyone Happy Christmas and a merry new year.

Yes, we have nutcases on both sides.  Those who insist that it be called it a "holiday tree" and  those who P&M about someone passing along Seasons Greetings. As mentioned before, we have witnessed the Death of Common Sense.

although I can relate to these issues from my past, being single has removed a lot of this xmas drama.. and i'm keeping it that way  ;D

All of you have been a great dissapointment.



klc

Ah yes, the yule log Christmas (er, "Holiday" cards  :P )

There is a local talk show host in Boston named Howie Carr (who is really very good, by the way!).

Every year, he holds the "yuppie card contest", where callers will call in and read the best yuppie card they've received that year.  Some of them are really, really unbelievable.  The winner gets a really nice prize of some sort - usually dinner at a good place.

We got one a number of years ago, boasting about the couple's world travels, including seeing the Dali Lama, the wife getting a degree in "Environmental Awareness" (I didn't know there was such a thing!), becoming a "selectPERSON" (with a matching bumper sticker attesting to same!) and of course the kids (named Emerson and Ingrid) had their big part as well !  Unfortunately, I did not get to call that one into Howie Carr, else I surely would have won the contest that year!

As far as the music - I like REAL Christmas music (although you rarely hear it out and about).  I love singing the old carols in church, and "The Night the Animals Talked" is still one of my favorites.

The family get-togethers can be tense.  Something will generally happen to set Sherrie off - usually her sister (or me  ::) ).  But, I don't care about any of that, or whether I get any presents, as long as the (now adult) children are there, and we remember what the day is really all about.

The way I figure it, I might have 20 Christmases left - maybe less (probably less, actually)... better make the most of it.

So, Merry Christmas to all the Scrooges out there  ;) and to everyone else as well !

I agree Steve, MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(and Happy Birthday)

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

This can all be simplified into procedures that guys can deal with.

1. Shopping
A.) Institute the family (and extended, if necessary) practice of "picking names". That means you get one name, (plus you only have to get something for the parents and spouse).
B.) As for the gifts, the procedure is to talk to a related family member and find out what that person wants. Ask your or their spouse what to get them. Then, at least they will be as unhappy as you are.
C.) Institute a rule: "nothing over $20".
D.) Shopping online, if done early enough, means no going to the mall. Also, your spouse will think you are "thoughtful" for considering relative X or Y months ahead of time.
E.) xanax


2. Christmas music
A.) Pick other stations. Sports or News. Turn it off and if questioned, say the radio smelled like it was burning.
B.) Gas Stations obnoxious speakers: Just fill the tank enough to get out of there. They are too well armored to easily destroy. Claim the gas pump hose is leaking.
C.)  xanax

3. Getting it wrong
A.) Don't worry about this. Keep the receipt. It always happens and it won't be your fault because you, being thoughtful, asked relative X or Y what the recipient would like. It then becomes their own relative's fault for being insensitive and uncaring.


4. The stuff you get
A.) Always smile and agree to try it on, but really try not to do it - or try to do it quickly when no pictures are being taken.
B.) If questioned later why it is not being used, claim that it doesn't fit, you are allergic to one of the materials (which are printed on the tag), or you can't wear it because of (old wound, bunions, skin issues, work dress code, religious beliefs, personal code of behavior/honor, etc)


5. The relatives.
A.) xanax.


6. Yule Logs
A.) Ignore it.
B.) This is the 21st century and there are inkjet printers. Prepare an activity  report in the form of a "form letter" you can print as many times as necessary. You have done this for work, so it will be easy. Make it so when folded, the text is on the inside, and on the outside is a picture of the family and pets. A cute cat or dog  picture excuses almost anything. Yes this means printing both sides of the paper and using color ink. If that is too hard, just put the picture at the top and the text below and fold it.
C.) Pay a service to hand write the prepared Yule Blog and send them out.


7. Putting on weight
A.) Don't worry about it.
B.) Claim allergies or not far from the truth perhaps diabetes.
C.) If you can't resist the rich foods, fill up beforehand on healthy food so you eat less at table.


8. Paying for it
A.) See section 1C.
B.) "Santa" brings the giant 3D TV as a (single) gift for the "whole family"


9a. Having to go to parties
A.) after suffering an hour or so, being polite, and eating a few things, claim to the spouse be ill and then spend 10 minutes in the bathroom. Since no guy takes that long, it will be believed that you got food poisoning and you both will go home where you will be treated with sympathy. The spouse will not reveal the supposed reason, or complain to the host to avoid embarrassment.


9b. Christmas Lights
A.) when spouse is out, pay someone to do it.
B.) have a back injury while doing some chore you were specifically asked to do.
C.) express personal disappointment.


10a. annoying 'chain' e-messages
A.) Ignore them /delete
B.) Reply to each such message, using "reply all", and attach a 9MB file such as a PDF'd book about "cat breeding in the 17th century" or perhaps the "history of the Dewey Decimal System", and describe why it is relevant to the topic at hand. You name will soon be off the distribution lists of your family's annoying friends. Such books are on Google.


10b. Pretending to like it.
A.) xanax.
B.) "Truthfully like it" as penance for considering the solutions above.

I am reminded of an old dear abby,  the writer wrote in and told of his family. they only cared how much he spent and how fast they could return it.  So one year he took his whole budget, and bought cheap wine with it. He then went down and handed out the Bottles on Skid Row.  He said it was the greatest Christmas he had ever had, each of those men thanked him sincerely and wished him a merry Christmas.

I think some of you need to find your own skid row. 

Eric

Disfunctionality abounds....

73DG

FESTIVUS!! For the REST OF US!!! :)

Contesters hate Christmas
No contests

I've come to hate the Christmas season (what we see around us, not what  it's supposed to be) because it's come to have so little to do with Christmas. Unlike some, I DO like the family gatherings, and if it weren't for that and Christmas services I'd rather the whole thing just go away.  It's become a  relentless, two month assault on the senses.

I see humor.

I don't hate Christmas, but it's disruption to life's routines are unwelcome to say the least.  We have managed to avoid 99% of all the social anomalies described above. (I've decided I don't like the general population much these days). We shop early, bake or build most of our gifts and visit only those we like.  Most of all we make it about the kids. 

BUT...

"Feliz Navidad" is an example of everything that's wrong with multiculturalism!!


Merry Christmas Everyone.

Mark

.

A good example of that is A Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols (http://www.kings.cam.ac.uk/events/chapel-services/nine-lessons.html), the Christmas Eve service held in King's College Chapel. The Festival was introduced in 1918 to bring a more imaginative approach to worship. It was first broadcast in 1928 and is now broadcast to millions of people around the world.

I used to sometimes catch it on the BBC via short wave, but now it is broadcast annually in good quality over our local NPR station. It can also be found via streaming audio on the internet.

I enjoy that genre of music, and I can also take a limited dose of the old time traditional carols and hymns.  But I utterly despise the pseudo-Xma$ carol$ my ears get bombarded with for at least two months every season.  You can't escape it; it is everywhere, on the radio (commercial stations), all the stores, even in the supermarket: Rudolph the Red No$ed Reindeer, $anta Clau$ is Coming to Town, Jingle Bell$, ad nauseum. 

I used to wonder why they played Xmas music on the radio non-stop right up through the 25th, and then all of a sudden it instantly disappeared, often before the day ended. When I got my first job at a small town AM daytimer, I quickly found out.  The personnel at the stations endure playing and listening to it throughout ever-lengthening "season" until the Great Consumer Binge is finally over. By then the DJs and announcers are so saturated with it that they don't waste a second before going back to regular programming, to their great relief, the moment management gives the okay.

This reminds me of a joke. Back in Soviet days, a Russian named Rudolph had an argument with his wife over the weather.  She said it was snowing, but Rudolph insisted it was only raining. The argument became heated, until he finally put his foot down and ended the conversation: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

One thing good about moving west is that I haven't heard  the Dominic the Italian Donkey song  ,,,,,,,, it must be special for the Northeast



 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQrdxtWgHbE 

  

It is sad what Christmas has become. :'(

Here is what I like about Christmas.

1. Children coming home (No spouses yet)

2. Reading the Christmas story from the book of Luke on Christmas morning.

3. Singing in our commumity Christmas cantata. Singing the bass part of the Hallelujah chorus is a pure joy.

4. Food

5. Real Christmas music that touches your soul in a way that words cannot describe. To wit:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj9-2RgM6p4&feature=related

Enjoy. Merry Christmas
Ron Skipper W8ACR

My favorite part about Christmas is all the great food! Every year - I pull down the box of Chrome Plated dinner plates from the attic and the XYL makes her special Hollandase Sauce to compliment the goodies served proudly on my custom made just shined Chrome Plates. The warm holiday lighting adds just the right touch as it's caught by the brilliant surface of the holiday dinnerware, and when guests compliment how nice the holiday table looks, I just sing to them........."Well, there's no Plates like Chrome for the Hollandase" - I'm here all week! Tell your friends - Try the Roast Beef!!!    (Sorry, - I could'nt resist)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8GkgYsb8cg

This has been one of my favorites for Xmas.  "Christmas Time Is Here"  -  Played and improvised smooth as silk by Jon England.

T

I play in our community band, and in a brass quintet.  We do holiday programs to SRO crowds.

Nobody complains! :D

73DG

I'm jealous of you singers. I can't carry a tune in a bucket. The Hallelujah chorus of the Messiah has to be one of the most thrilling pieces of music ever written and O Magnum Mysterium canit aetherea, magnificus.

There is so much wonderful music to play and hear around Christmas yet we're bombarded with dreck. Once was enough for Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.

That is indeed on our band playlist this season.

A link to our group of happy miscreants...

www.afcband.org

Our quintet (volunteer) plays out of the Salvation Army book, classic tunes that go down well.

73DG

"I'll Be Home For Christmas"
by Gennaro Luigi Vitaliano (aka JERRY VALE)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9nN9NewP8Q

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU!

http://amwindow.org/misc/mp3/JamesBrownSantaClausGoStraightToTheGhetto.mp3

Are you kiddin me.  there's only one Christmas song that rules:  the Singin' DOGS version of Jingle Bells!

Christmas ain't complete without it, & even better than Mannheim Steamroller. 

Kid comes in from outside:
"MOM!!.. I got the part of 'Nondescript Person Number Three' in the school generic inoffensive holiday season extravaganza."

Mallard, Sunday.

I dont do holidays. to annoying and commercialised.

holidays are so bad even days to remember those fallen in wars or those who have served in war are commercialised with sale sale sale buy buy buy..

I quit doing all holidays about 15 years ago.

"Christmas Blues" as delivered by Dean Martin with Sammy Cahn on piano:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0Zx8c55f7Y (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0Zx8c55f7Y)

"Christmas in Jail",  1956 b-side for The Youngsters: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cM38kN4AOys (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cM38kN4AOys)

"Blue Christmas" , Robert Gordon with Chris Spedding at the LoneStar Roadhouse, NYC in 1992  ... I may have been there  :D : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T7kMElFc-M (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T7kMElFc-M)

"Zat you Santa Claus?", Buster Poindexter from "MTV Christmas 1987" before that network replaced music with garbage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEP2IrByImw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEP2IrByImw)

"the Singin' DOGS version of Jingle Bells:

wa3pun's dogs did it.


klc


and for extra credit "who has the pissed on kw1??"

one of my favorites porky pig singing Blue Christmas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUELu8o5KJg

There is another hilarious one.  Don't remember the name but one of the lines in the song features a guy trying to get his Xmas lights going.  Each stanza has him yelling, a little more frustrated than in the previous one because no matter what does he can't get them right.

Hallowe'en is now become one of the primary occasions for commercial hype. I think I read somewhere it drives sales second only to Christmas and is just barely ahead of Back-to-School.

What I used to enjoy most of all about Xmas was the two weeks off.  Now that the kids are grown up and out of the house and I am retired, it is an occasion for a family get-together.  We exchange a few gifts and have a nice dinner, but we don't go on any kind of spending binge. 

My wife really gets into it and goes all out for putting up decorations, but I couldn't care less about that.  I just tell her to have fun and make sure she doesn't drive any nails into the exterior walls I have worked so hard to restore. This year we agreed not to buy each other any gifts since we just spent a lot of money for some badly needed household items we had put off buying for a long time.

Pretty much the same thing here, Don. A good dinner and time together is a gift in today's world. We have much of what we want and without some sort of list, trying to find something for a woman isn't terribly easy. The last time I asked her what she wanted, her answer was 'a baby'. Told her I'd check the garage again, but was pretty sure I didn't have any of those kicking around and I didn't think they sold Cabbage Patch Kids anymore. She wasn't amused. 

I used to get pretty bah-humbug-ish over Christmas due to the commercialization. But it's only as bad as you let it become. Women are emotional creatures compared to men being more logical/practical. That's no doubt why the warm-fuzzy side of the Christmas season appeals to them while we tend to see nothing but hustle and bustle. Thanksgiving has been my favorite holiday for many years, not much to commercialize there. A good AM event that weekend while the women are out enjoying Black Friday and weekend shopping would be the icing on the cake.

That song you're trying to think of with the guy going nuts over the lights is a version of the Twelve Days of Christmas IIRC. By the end he wants to burn his house down or something along those lines.

http://www.amwindow.org/misc/av/TomVuXmasSong.mp3


 ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D

We were never extremely materialistic with Christmas except a few years maybe when my brother, sister and I were kids.  As adults gift giving slowed down in the '70s and pretty much ended in the 80s.  Our "gifts" became  travel and time spent with each other.   I'm on another planet when it comes to what people buy.   So much of it is crap that will wind up in a drawer or pushed into a car back seat in a few months.  What are the toys for kids?  There are no toys, only modules that allow for playing a game with a Zbox or something.   

Back when I worked at a university I got a week or two leave for the holiday and had a lot of fun and a quiet restful break with my parents.  that changed in the '90s when their health began to fail.   First dad who developed dementia.  Eventually the holidays were a time of medical crisis and stress.  There could be  no music or decorations because they'd freak him out.  He reached the point where he didn't know what was going on.  Dad died in 2002 then there were a few years when mom adjusted to being alone.  then she started developing problems related to small strokes.    Some of the worst two weeks of my life were around Christmas in 2007 when we all concluded she had to leave her home and move to assisted living.  Of course she didn't want to move (who does?).  In the middle of this I got the flu and was dealing with movers and renting an apartment for mom.     We bent over backwards to make the new place as much like home as possible.   She hated it.  This is when you think you know your parents and find out there's a lot you never realized, like how much they really love their children and how much they sacrificed. 

There are millions of people going through things like this every year.    Here is a lesson:   There are only two places an elderly person wants to be:  his home and/or a location near his children.   Nothing else will do.  We wound up moving mom to Illinois where I could see her twice a day.  She died in 2008 just before Halloween.  God through his grace guided us through all this but there were 15 years or so of holidays so loaded with stress, drama and crisis I still associate with Christmas, that I hate the holidays and am always glad when they are over.

I light up an electric candle stand I stick at my front door.  That's my "decorating" which takes all of five minutes to set up.   A few weeks after Christmas I take it down glad that the annual lunacy is over and everything can return to normal.

Those were some very tough times you lived through.  Maybe you could do something to snap the association. My neighbors having had a rough holiday last year, saved up and caught a deal to get the heck out of Dodge this Christmas. On Christmas day they fly to the Caribbean. That sure has given them something to think about besides their problems.

I always had a tough time with Christmas and the holidays - but now that I know how to break up a dog fight  - - - 

Gary. You have to nip the bad behavior in the bud. Watch for signs from body language, like tensing up and staring at each other. Females are more prone to go at it than males are, so it's best to try and keep them away from each other.  Keep a spray bottle full of water near ya and when they start to act up, squirt 'em in the face. It'll distract them and they'll forget what they were going to fight over.



We are talking about family, right???

j

There's usually shaking-of-the head before the actual combat.


klc

Speaking of odd Christmas presents, my wife just got a new hip, complete with polymer socket and all the stainless steel fixins'.

We will be celebrating -- walking.  ;D

I guess I will now have to run lower power on 10m.  :o

Phil - AC0OB

Oh, just de-mod your carrier "DMOD."  She'll be hokay.
 
******************************
Merry Christmas to all The Gangsta's.
******************************

Your right Todd.  Martha spoils me with radio things.  The Johnson Desk 2 years ago was by far my favorite XMAS gift ever.  The restoration is coming along and I can't wait to get it on the air.  Before Dee passed away, I had him do up all the sheet metal for a Ranger 1 I have.  Howard Mills did a great job on the sheet metal panels of the Johnson Desk. 

Last year she gave me a very nice Dewalt table saw. Martha and I do give gifts related to our hobbies.  She helps me with my radio things and I help her with her car projects so its very clear what we both need to finish our various projects.  I just survey her tool cabinet out in the garage and see what tools she needs to do her classic car restoration work.  Her Chevy truck is due back from the body restoration shop, so that means she will start putting the truck back together.  We are LMC truck best customers I am sure.   We have never given each other cloths or anything like that for Christmas.  We just buy that stuff as we need it throughout the year.  Since I retired, I really don't have much of a need for suites and ties anymore and traded that for blue jeans. 

We visit family and take my 89 year old mother to church with us and try to make  it a relaxing time.  We try to keep the schedule light so we are not running all the time.   

Joe, W3GMS   

One of Diane's Christmas favorites! 

But if I have to hear that friggin "Last Christmas I gave you my heart, the very next day you gave it away" one more time I think I'll hurl...

If Christmass isn't yor bag, and Festivus doesn't send you, then maybee its time for Pastafarians.

"
Pastafarians claim that pirates are ideal beings, whose name was ruined by the Catholic church in the 1800's. They believed that pirates in fact gave out candy to small children. Also, as a repercussion, their demise over the last few centuries has caused global warming. Though this is not be the absolute truth, it is a possibility not often looked at given that this theory best fit the data collected so far. Pirates existed before, and still exist today in the form of drug smugglers on speedboats. if you eat enough spaghetti you will be enlightened by the flying spaghetti monster and you will reach full potential.

Subsects         A few extremist Pastafarians (a specific group called Porfons and Tifrons) believe that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is not one being, but three, and that the Pasta, the Meatballs, and the Holy Sauce, as they are called, are separate beings.

Other sects believed that Macaroni, and not Spaghetti, is the true form of the god of Pastafarianism. They refer to their creator as the Flying Macaroni Monster and they believe that the vision of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is corrupted by interference. Raviolis and Spaghetti-o's are not included.

The various sects often argue over the singularity vs. trinity of their god as well as its true form.

The best thing about pastafarianism? It is not only acceptable, but advisable, to be heavily sauced.    "

To learn more,

http://wikiality.wikia.com/Pastafarian

KLC

Remember the flash mob Messiah from a year ago? The hope of encountering this is almost enough to get me into a mall. I guess I need to find one with a big pipe-organ to increase my chances.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp_RHnQ-jgU